Living, Loving, Giving

I fail

I know I have been absent from this blog for a long time.  I'm sorry to my few loyal readers!  I have just been super busy with work, and then with teaching college online too, it is hard to find the motivation to be on the computer even more.  But, my class is winding down, and I am off for the summer, so here I am.

Big changes are coming for me, and I have to admit I'm scared.  I am leaving the school where I have taught for eleven years, and the content I have taught for 13 years.  This is a good move for me, because I will be teaching in the same system where I live, and where my girls go to school.  But it is different, and I'm not good with change.  I will be teaching high school, instead of middle school, and regular ed, instead of gifted.  While I'm sure it will be fine, I am still nervous.  But, maybe I will love it, right?

But- to the title of my post.  I totally fail at planning vacations this summer.  I'm usually so good at it, but not this year.  First, I planned a trip to a theme park called Wild Adventures that is about two hours from home.  Of course, the day before we were supposed to leave, I found out that a tropical storm was moving through the area.  The hotel was nonrefundable, so we went anyway, and just enjoyed taking the girls to the hotel pool and shopping.   We still have the tickets for the park, so I'm sure we will go back in a week or two.

Then, I planned a trip to the Jacksonville Zoo, which is about an hour and a half from home.  Again, the hotel is nonrefundable. We did go and we did enjoy the zoo, but my husband had the flu the whole time.  He muscled through for the sake of the girls, but I felt so very bad for him, because I know he felt like crap and would not admit it.  As soon as we got home this afternoon he crashed, and has been sleeping ever since. 

I want to go to Seaworld again this summer, but I'm not sure if my husband's work schedule is going to allow it before I go back to work.  I told him he has to plan the trip, since my trip planning mojo is currently broken.

On a positive note, I did discover today that Allison can read pretty much anything.  She has been pretending that she can't, because she likes for me to read her night time story, instead of reading it to me.  Today, however, she read every sign at the zoo, even the hard words, without hesitation or mistake.  She is going to give me a run for my money as she gets older!

Home, but not alone

I am home for Christmas break. I get two weeks and one day off of work, and I fully intend to relish every moment of it. So far this break, we have

• enjoyed Christmas dinner and present opening at my grandmother's house,
• opened and played with the new craft supplies the girls got from the present opening,
• had a friend and her one year old daughter over for a visit
• made a gingerbread house,
• made Santa Claus napkin holders for the table,
• enjoyed Lauren's performance in a Christmas play at school,
• gone to a friend's house for football,
• gone to the public library and checked out a million books,
• gone to the park (and Starbucks),
• and attended a birthday party for a friend's son, who turned seven.

You would think with all this activity, my girls would be happily enjoying their break, but instead, they are driving me crazy with wanting to do even more stuff. Today is the first day we have actually stayed home all day, and with their level of whining, you would think it was torture. Tomorrow we are getting together with friends to have a little Christmas party, complete with presents. I don't think we are doing anything Saturday (so far), and Sunday we will have Santa's presents to open in the morning, and then family over for Christmas dinner. We are also going to have a New Years party at out house.

I have also spent a lot of time grading assignments for my college class and making phone calls to my internship students from said college. This college thing pays pretty well, considering the courses only last five weeks each, but I'm not so sure I want to do it again. I have 62 students this term, and the amount of work is killing me. It would be a lot easier if I didn't have a regular full time job as well. But, I asked for it, so not much use complaining about it.

And, random question to end the post- Does anyone want to send me a recipe for how to make peanut butter and chocolate balls? I think some people call them buckeyes.

Today we Party

Contrary to popular belief, I am still alive. I know it's been way too long since I have written a blog post, but life has been a bit crazy. I started teaching a class for the online college where I formerly just supervised interns. Teaching an online class requires a great deal of time. I didn't realize just how much until I was actually doing it. But, it was a great experience, and I will do it again if they need me. The course I am teaching right now ends tomorrow, then I just have to make sure to get the last assignment graded and get grades posted.

The other aspects of my life have been pretty usual. Lauren still complains about going to school and Allison still loves it. I still pretty much hate my job, and my husband still pretty much loves his.

Today, however, will not be usual, but will be very exciting. Today we will be having Lauren's birthday party at the skating rink. She has chosen a Justin Bieber theme, and though it makes me cringe, she likes it, and it's her party. Her birthday isn't until the 22nd, but my parents will be on a cruise next weekend, and then it will be Thanksgiving weekend, so we decided to do the party early. I am very excited about her party this year. It is always amazing to see how much joy these events bring to my children. And, now that Lauren and Allison are older and more self sufficient, it is easier for me to relax and chat with my friends at the parties. So, I believe that today will be a great day!

And thank you to those who are still reading. You guys rock!

Bad Mom?

I know that I am a great mom. I love my girls more than life, and would do anything in the world for them. But sometimes, I feel like a bad mom, or maybe it's just mommy guilt. For instance:

I would rather shoot myself or throw myself off of a building than play another game of candyland, chutes and ladders, sorry, trouble, etc.

I hate bath time. It is just so mundane and monotonous.

I miss going to college, not because I miss the stimulating conversation and learning, but because it was one night per week that I got alone time (in the car), and didn't have to cook dinner and do bathtime.

I am so tired of watching Dora, Max and Ruby, iCarly, Victorious, etc.

Sometimes, especially when my girls have not been getting along all day, I count down the minutes to bedtime.

I feel extremely guilty about not being a stay at home mom for my girls, especially before they both started school.

But then, when I look at my girls, and when they are being so sweet and telling me how much they love me and how nice I am, I totally forget that I hate all of the aforementioned things, and remind myself that they are only little once, and that I will miss all of this when they are older. In fact, I already miss a lot of things about them being younger, especially the baby cuddles. Of course, I don't miss the baby cuddles enough to actually have another baby.

I'm sure that there are many other mommies who feel the same way about many of these things, and I am so NOT judging anyone else! For only those who are without guilt can cast the first stone.

Work

Sadly, I am back at work. Though, I do have what seems to be a wonderful group of students this year. I know it has only been seven days with kids, but they have been great so far. So, since I have been working, and the girls are back in school, I have been uber busy.

But, I rock because I have cooked dinner (with help from the hubby) every night this week. Yay me :)

I don't want to talk about the fact that both of my girls are in "real" school this year. It makes my heart hurt to watch them walk from my car and into the building every morning. They are so cute holding hands, but all I can think about is them walking away into a place where I cannot be there all the time to protect them. Of course, they both LOVE school, so I guess I should be happy for them, even if my heart breaks a little each day.

But, on a lighter note, my husband told me a cute story about the girls the other day, and said he told me because it sounded like something I would blog about. I'm not sure how he knew that, because I don't think he reads my blog, but maybe he just knows me that well. This conversation occurred when he picked the girls up from school and they were on the way home.

Lauren- I really wish it was Thanksgiving (no idea why she said this).

Allison- So we can tell everyone thank you.

Husband- That's not really what Thanksgiving is about. Thanksgiving is when we tell God thank you for all of the things He has done for us.

Lauren- I'm thankful God gave me a little sister.

See, sometimes they do love each other :)

Excited

I can't believe I haven't mentioned this before, but my fabulous and wonderful and amazing IM, Niobe (who sadly doesn't blog anymore) is coming for a visit and bringing my surrobaby with her. She will be here in one week!!!!

Also- why can't I ever make anything easy for myself? I could have just bought one type of fabric and made plain valences, but noooooooooo, I had to draw out a complicated pattern. So, it is slow going on the valence making, but I am getting there.   I also had a minor setback because the jaguar (or maybe it's cheetah, I'm not real sure), print came in white and black.  On the bedding, it is pink and black, but I couldn't find any pink and black.  I wanted it to be pink though. This morning, I woke up with the fabulous idea of dying the fabric pink.  I mean, duh, isn't that what fabric dye is for?  I bought the pink dye and dyed the fabric today, so I only have a little bit of the jaguar/cheetah print cut. 

This is what my rough drawing looks like.  It is so NOT to scale.  The highlighted parts are the sections I have cut out. 

 

This is what I have so far.  I actually have two of these done, since I am making two valences.  I just took a picture of one to make it easier.

 

Hopefully, I will be able to work on it quite a bit tomorrow, and have another update :)

SHHHHH- It's a Secret

I bought Lauren some new bedding for her birthday, which isn't until November. But, it's really cute, and it was a great price. I got it from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

See:

It came with all the stuff for the bed, but they didn't have any matching curtains. So, I bought some fabric, and I'm going to make valences. I spent some time this morning drawing out the pattern for the valences. They will have three types of fabric- zebra print, jaguar print, and hot pink. I figured I needed something to do while I'm still on summer vacation. I will post pics when they are done. I have to make two, because she has two windows in her room. I'm sure it will take me a few days, because I need to work on it while Lauren is sleeping, so that she doesn't see them.

Conversation

Conversation with Lauren on the way home tonight:

Lauren in a very concerned voice- "Mom, we didn't have a birthday party for you today!"

Me- "It's ok baby, I'm too old for birthday parties."

Lauren in a very serious voice- "And, you already have everything.  You have a wonderful family.  So, you don't need a party."

Me- "You have a family too, so you don't need birthday parties anymore either."

Lauren in a horrified voice- "But, I'm still young, so I still want parties."

Out of the mouths of babes. LOL

We're Back

We had a wonderful vacation in Orlando, even if there were record setting high temperatures. The girls loved SeaWorld, Busch Gardens, and Aquatica. Lauren's favorite place was Aquatica, and Allison's was SeaWorld. They both got a stuffed animal at SeaWorld; Allison got Shamu, and Lauren got a baby penguin.

While at SeaWorld, we got both girls to ride the water-ride Atlantis. Then, I had to buy the picture, because Lauren's face in it is priceless. She was totally freaking out! I have two scaredy-cat girls for sure. Now, I am trying to catch up on grading work for the online college for which I am working. It is taking a bit more time than I anticipated, but it is still a step toward teaching college on a more full-time and permanent basis. Though, I still don't think I will leave the public school system until I retire in 17 more years.

I am in the process of uploading pictures on facebook. It takes forever for them to upload! So, in a little bit, check them out :)

Guilty

It's one o'clock in the morning, and I should be sleeping. However, I am feeling as if my poor blog has been neglected, so I must provide my three loyal readers with a short post :)

After I wrote about being all lazy and stuff, I got all busy and stuff. I started my job with the online college, so I have been frantically grading submissions and calling students to have an initial contact with them.

Then, I went to Charleston with my mom and girls for three nights, just to get out of the house and relax. We did some shopping, and the girls did a lot of swimming. Lauren got some "pretty" (her word, not mine) clothes for school. She is so happy that her new school does not require uniforms. Both girls got new bookbags and lunch boxes, though I still refuse to admit that my baby Allison is old enough to go to all day school in less than a month. I shall not cry, I shall not cry, I shall not cry.................

Yesterday (Saturday), we had a family reunion, a BBQ at a friend's house, and a retirement party for a co-worker of my husbands. Then, last night, I dreamed that someone gave me a baby to take care of. I don't remember the details, but I do remember the baby was 9 months old, was a girl, and looked just like my girls when they were little. I was torn over what to do in my dream. I so wanted to keep the baby, but I was terrified of having another child to raise, and wondered if I could love her as much as I loved my own two. I woke up before the dream really concluded, but I do remember that I had decided to keep the baby, and already loved her dearly. I'm not sure what underlying psychosis of my mind caused me to have the dream. I have issues, I know.

And, tomorrow my husband and I are taking the girls down to Orlando for five days of fun. We are hitting Sea World, Busch Gardens, and a waterpark called Aquatica, that is owned by SeaWorld. We considered Disney, but holy cow is that place expensive. That trip will have to wait a year or two. The girls are super excited about the trip, as am I. It is going to be a lot of fun.

Also- I'm so behind on blog reading/commenting. I have been trying to catch up. I still love you all and will catch up!!